


i buST A NUT

by TheFangirlsUmbrella



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: British Allura, College, Cuban Lance (Voltron), F/F, F/M, Gay Keith (Voltron), Hawaiian Hunk (Voltron), Japanese Shiro (Voltron), Korean Keith (Voltron), M/M, Memes, Modern AU, Pansexual Lance (Voltron), Texting, Trans Pidge, ace pidge, agender pidge, american pidge, bisexual allura, bisexual shay, cursing, emojis, emoticon, i write this instead of sleeping, messy updating schedule, my bbies, old man coran, send help, sin - Freeform, texting au, texting fic, then they found out they're agender, this is be a mess, trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-15 07:32:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10552490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFangirlsUmbrella/pseuds/TheFangirlsUmbrella
Summary: smolplant has added DadFriend ™, WineMom , NotYourGrandpa , ImNotEmo , SexyEnchilada , and ChefBoiArdee to SpaceNerds™smolplant: shiro do you have a daddy kinkDadFriend ™ has left SpaceNerds™ChefBoiArdee: pIDGE YOU DID NOTWineMom: OH HUNTYWineMom: BUT THEY DIDSexyEnchilada: HOLY FUCKING SHITSexyEnchilada: PIDGE WHYthis is a mess tbh. it's a texting fic (bc I love texting fics and they're basically the only fics I read anymore) and just wowie. modern au where they're all in college and made a video game when they were teenagers that really pidge made but they all chipped in ideas and stuff. this game is theirs and they only know and play it so hey confuse a lot of people with inside jokes about it. keith pines for lance while lance oblivious, hunk pines for the awesome girl in his botany class, shiro and allura banter back and forth until one of them makes a move, and pidge is in love with their computer. i'll post trigger warnings if there are any. also i'll remind everyone every chapter of usernames and majors in each chapter notes.





	1. daddy kink

**Author's Note:**

> Shiro - DadFriend™  
> Allura - WineMom  
> Coran - NotYourGrandpa  
> Keith - ImNotEmo  
> Lance - SexyEnchilada  
> Hunk - ChefBoiardee  
> Pidge - smolplant

**smolplant** has added **DadFriend** ™, **WineMom** , **NotYourGrandpa** , **ImNotEmo** , **SexyEnchilada** , and **ChefBoiArdee** to _SpaceNerds™_

**smolplant:** shiro do you have a daddy kink

**DadFriend** ™ has left _SpaceNerds™_

**ChefBoiArdee** : pIDGE YOU DID NOT

**WineMom** : OH HUNTY

**WineMom** : BUT THEY DID

**SexyEnchilada** : HOLY FUCKING SHIT

**SexyEnchilada** : PIDGE WHY

**ImNotEmo** : P I D G E

**smolplant** : it’s a valid question okay

**WineMom** : KEICKFKMKDIDKD

**WineMom** : “A VLAID QUESTION”

**NotYourGrandpa** : Allura, are you alright?

**WineMom** : No lmao. Time of death is @ 2:52 AM rip remember me well peasants.

**SexyEnchilada** : ALLura no i didnt ever get to propose

**SexyEnchilada** : also goddamn why are you not asleep

**ChefBoiArdee** : Uh, Lance? It’s not even 10 PM yet… :-/

**smolplant** : she lives in london hunk. we live in nyc. time difference buddy.

**ChefBoiArdee** : OH YEAH!

**ChefBoiArdee** : I always forget about that. What a silly sausage I am XD

**smolplant** : so pure

**WineMom** : Rt.

**SexyEnchilada** : rt.

**ImNotEmo** : rt.

**NotYourGrandpa** : RT?

**ImNotEmo** : retweet

**NotYourGrandpa** : Ah, thank you Keith.

**ImNotEmo** : np.

**ImNotEmo** : also @Lance stg i can hear allura gagging all the way across the ocean

**SexyEnchilada** : FIGHT ME YOU EMO MULLET

**NotYourGrandpa** : Hate to upset you Lance, but she did just do something that sounded similar to dry heaving into the sink after she read your message.

**smolplant** : kjdfwejbwbhb

**ChefBoiArdee** : #Exposed

**ChefBoiArdee** : _SHOOK.jpg_

**ImNotEmo** : He is crying a bowl of cereal omfg I can’t.

**smolplant** : *adds this to my blackmail hoard*

**SexyEnchilada** : I HAVE BEEN BETRAYED BY MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD

**ChefBoiArdee** : Lance, you’re Cuban and have three brothers and four sisters and like a bagillion other relatives.

**ChefBoiArdee** : I’m Hawaiian with a mom, an older sister, and the family dog.

**smolplant** : omfg hunk just rekted lance

**WineMom** : Awe Lance! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings! I just… don’t think or feel about you that way.

**smolplant** : *cough cough* nor will she ever

**WineMom** : Pidge!

**smolplant** : sorry mom

**ImNotEmo** : I walked for like five minutes and you guys crash and burn.

**ChefBoiArdee** : ???

**ChefBoiArdee** : The only one crashed and burned is Lance???

**smolplant** : shOTS FIRED

**WineMom** : HOLY SHIT SHOW NO MERCY HUNK

**ImNotEmo** : I FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR OH MY FUCKING GOD

**ChefBoiArdee** : hE READ THE MESSAGES AND FREAKING SLAMMED HIS SPOON ON THE TABLE ANGRILY

**ChefBoiArdee** : HE’S YELLING ANGRILY IN SPANISH

**ImNotEmo** : not again

**ChefBoiArdee** : I told him to calm down in Hawaiin and he just stared at me omg

**ChefBoiArdee** : OMG HE PICKED UP HIS CEREAL AND LEFT THE KITCHEN

**smolplant** : omfg

**WineMom** : OMG WHERE HE GO

**ChefBoiArdee** : _That’sWhereHeGo.vid_

**smolplant** : oh mY FUCKING GOD

**WineMom** : HE STARED STRAIGHT INTO THE CAMERA

**ImNotEmo** : “”””””this cereal was there for me more than you ever were””””

**ChefBoiArdee** : That was my favorite pillow :(

**smolplant** : hunk im ordering you a new pillow rn.

**ChefBoiArdee** : Really??

**smolplant** : yes.

**smolplant** : t’s from the that’s right down the street from your apartment IKEA so it’ll be there in like ten minutes.

**SexyEnchilada** : i hate you all.

**SexyEnchilada** : but im sorry hunk i didnt know that was your favorite ill clean it up.

**smolplant** : you have redeemed yourself.

**SexyEnchilada** : for all my sins?

**WineMom** : god no.

**Smolplant** : never.

**ImNotEmo** : you’re going to have to try harder than that.

**NotYourGrandpa** : Allura, I must advise you go to bed now. You have an appointment in the morning, and I don’t like putting my phone on Do Not Disturb so you’re keeping me awake.

**WineMom** has removed **NotYourGrandpa** from _SpaceNerds™_

**WineMom** : What a buzzkill.

**smolplant** : SAVAGE

**ImNotEmo** : HOLY SHIT HOW COULD YOU

**smolplant** : wait

**Smolplant** : (1) where’s hunk? he hasn’t said anything in awhile. also where’s lance??

**WineMom** : RIP they dead.

**ImNotEmo** : Lance- finally.

**ImNotEmo** : Hunk- im goNNA MISS MY HAWAIIAN HUG BEAR SO MUCH

**smolplant** : hawaiian hug bear omfg

**WineMom** : TMW Keith can actually express emotions.

**ImNotEmo** : FUck you.

**smolplant** : that was like a text voice crack

**WineMom** : Khcdhcjknedj

**ImNotEmo** : i hate you both.

**ImNotEmo** : i miss hunk wtf where is he

**smolplant** : i’m sure he’ll be back any sec prob suffocating lance w/ his soggy cereal pillow

**ChefBoiArdee** : _PidgeYou’reRight.jpg_

**ImNotEmo** : JKBUFBERBFWJHB

**smolplant** : HE IS LITERALLY SITTING ON HIM

**WineMom** : THE PEACE SIGN THO

**ChefBoiArdee** : _ThatFaceTho.jpg_

**ImNotEmo** : HE HAS CHEERIOS STUFFED UP HIS NOSE OF MY GOD

**WineMom** : I am impressed with how much his eyelashes can hold milk.

**smolplant** : his new facemask _™_

**ChefBoiArdee** : Exactly :)

**ImNotEmo** : hunk you scare me sometimes

**ChefBoiArdee** : :))))

**WineMom** : Hunk is the definition of the Looks Like A Cinnamon Roll But Could Kill You _™_

**ImNotEmo** : rt except he’s still a cinnamon roll

**smolplant** : rt

**WineMom** : Rt.

**SexyEnchilada** : pidge can i spend the night @ your place.

**smolplant** : ye i guess

**SexyEnchilada** : ill make enchiladas and we can watch Friends

**smolplant** : watch friends off tv, netflix, or your blu-ray collection?

**SexyEnchilada** : my blurays

**smolplant** : ok cool i’ll unlock ht hOL Y SHiT WHat thE F UC k la NC E

**WineMom** : WHAT WHAT HAPPENED

**ImNotEmo** : PIDGE ARE YOU OKAY

**SexyEnchilada** : sorry pidge is dying on their couch

**ImNotEmo** : LANCE WHAT DID YOU DO??

**SexyEnchilada** : nOTHING

**WineMom** : EXPLAIN NOW

**SexyEnchilada** : okay so after almOST KILLING ME, hunk walked around the house humming “somewhere over the rainbow” and then once his pillow came in, he fell asleep and honestly it creeped me tf out

**ImNotEmo** : holy shit so that’s where he went

**WineMom** : Oh my god that sounds straight out of a horror movie.

**SexyEnchilada** : right???

**SexyEnchilada** : also i can still cheerios in my nose send halp

**WineMom** : Finish the story!! What happened to Pidge??

**SexyEnchilada** : okay okay so

**SexyEnchilada** : i hopped in the shower for like two minutes and then got out, packed a bag with some clothes, my Friends bluray collection, wallet, and toiletries, and then walked over to pidges

**SexyEnchilada** : then i realized i hadn’t asked them yet if i could spend the night

**WineMom** : Oh my god.

**SexyEnchilada** : so when i asked, they opened the door for some reason and had a heart attack

**WineMom** : Poor Pidge!!

**ImNotEmo** : yeah id have that reaction too if i had to see your face without preparing myself.

**SexyEnchilada** : RUDE

**WineMom** : *highfives Keith*

**ImNotEmo** : *highfives mom*

**SexyEnchilada** : ｡ﾟ( ﾟஇ‸இﾟ)ﾟ｡

**smolplant** : ok first of all fuck you lance

**smolplant** : go make me my fucking enchilada

**SexyEnchilada** : okay okay im gobvrhjbwerjhbjbfhjb

**WineMom** : Um...??

**smolplant** : i threw a pillow at him to make him faster

**WineMom** : That’s fair.

**ImNotEmo** : _DadSaysHi.jpg_

**WineMom** : Is he making hot pockets?

**ImNotEmo** : yes

**WineMom** : Omg problematic fave. Also I forget you two live together too often.

**smolplant** : tell him i say “hey daddy”

**ImNotEmo** : stOP

**WineMom** added **SpaceDad™** to _SpaceNerds™_

**SpaceDad™** changed their username to **Kinkshaming™**

**Kinkshaming™** : Pidge, you’re grounded.

**smolplant** : lmao okay daddy

**SexyEnchilada** : whEEZ

**smolplant** : choke me harder dad

**SexyEnchilada** : PIDGE PLEASE STOP IM GONNA BUST A NUT

**Kinkshaming™** : B U S T  

**WineMom** : A  

**smolplant** : N U T

**ImNotEmo** : Great Googly Moogly It’s All Gone To Shit


	2. D O G G O

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> smolplant: eat my shorts  
> ChefBoiArdee: ew  
> smolplant:  (͡° ʖ °)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro - Kinkshaming™  
> Allura - WineMom  
> Keith - ImNotEmo  
> Lance - SexyEnchilada  
> Hunk - ChefBoiArdee  
> Pidge - smolplant

**ImNotEmo** has added **Kinkshaming** ™, **SexyEnchilada** , and **ChefBoiArdee** to _People who live in NYC_

 **ImNotEmo** : guys

 **Kinkshaming™** : Oh no, what?

 **SexyEnchilada** : yea?

 **ChefBoiArdee** : Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhh

 **smolplant** : BOOOOOIIIIIIIIII

 **SexyEnchilada** : ｡ﾟ( ﾟஇ‸இﾟ)ﾟ｡ left out of the meme drememe again

 **smolplant** : eat my shorts

 **ChefBoiArdee** : ew

 **smolplant** :  (͡° ʖ °)

 **smolplant** changed their username to **eatmyshorts**

 **ChefBoiArdee** changed their username to **Ew™**

 **ImNotEmo** : uh guys

 **SexyEnchilada** : yea buoy?

 **ImNotEmo** : i found a lost dog

 **eatmyshorts** : doggo

 **KinkShaming™** : whAT

 **eatmyshorts** : Doggo

 **SexyEnchilada** : and here i thought he just was crying over mcr again and couldnt stop

 **ImNotEmo** : shut the FUcK U p, lance

 

 _ >>> _ **SexyEnchilada** private messaged **ImNotEmo**

 **SexyEnchilada** : texting

 **SexyEnchilada** : voice

 **SexyEnchilada** : crack

 **ImNotEmo** : at least my dates don’t handcuff me to trees and Hunk considers me his flesh and blood.

-    -    -

 

 **eatmyshorts** : DOGGO

 **Ew™** : A DOG????

 **eatmyshorts** : D

 **eatmyshorts:** O

 **eatmyshorts** : G

 **eatmyshorts** : G

 **eatmyshorts** : O

 **ImNotEmo** : yes a dog

 **eatmyshorts** changed the chat’s name to _KEITH’S GOT A DOGGO_

 **ImNotEmo** : anyway, could one of y’all run to the store and grab dog food

 **Ew™** : On it.

 **eatmyshorts** : i can’t believe you found a dog

 **SexyEnchilada** : wait

 **SexyEnchilada** : youre serious??

 **ImNotEmo** : as serious as the time that girl you went on a date with handcuffed you to a tree and try to steal a copy of the Game

 **eatmyshorts** : DAMN

 **Ew™** : #EXPOSED

 **SexyEnchilada** left _KEITH’S GOT A DOGGO_

 **Ew™** : I would send a pic of him probably crying into his bowl of cereal or mac n cheese, but I am already on my way to the pet store.

 **ImNotEmo** : thank you my hawaiian hug bear!!!

 **Ew™** : Not a problem, my Texan mullet.

 **ImNotEmo** : i’ll let that slide bc (1) you’re getting me dog food and (2) lance isn’t here and probs won’t read this far up when he gets added back to the chat

 **Ew™** : Yeeeaaahhh buuuoooyyy!!

 **ImNotEmo** : anyway, where’s Pidge and Shiro?

 **Kinkshaming™** : TRYING NOT TO SCREAM WHILE IN CLASS

 **Kinkshaming™** : How did you even find this dog?

 **Kinkshaming™** : It’s not a coyote again, is it?

 **ImNotEmo** : NO

 **ImNotEmo** : Red is obviously a dog.

 **ImNotEmo** : i found him outside my apartment building in a box!!

 **ImNotEmo** : and besides, this is NYC, not our hometown.

 **Ew™** : Shiro it’s not even noon why are you in class

 **Kinkshaming™** : I have one class at 6 AM, the next at 8 AM, another 9:45 AM, and the last one at 11:35 AM.

 **eatmyshorts** : i just fell asleep from screaming too much, woke up to deal with nosy neighbors, and then i read that disgusting text message like shiro what the fuck

 **eatmyshorts** : you can such a dad, but you disgust and make me want to vomit sometimes

 **Ew **™**** : OMG, savage.

 **Kinkshaming™** : i am no longer the dad friend

 **Ew™** added **SexyEnchilada** to _KEITH’S GOT A DOGGO_

 **eatmyshorts** : petty drama and ignorance aside

 **eatmyshorts** : send pics!!!

 **SexyEnchilada** :@shiro its true.

 **Kinkshaming™** : What is?

 **SexyEnchilada** : you may be single and technically chidless

 **SexyEnchilada** : but youre a total dorky dad

 **Kinkshaming™** : I don’t think I like your tone, young man.

 **Kinkshaming™** has removed **SexyEnchilada** from _KEITH’S GOT A DOGGO_

 **eatmyshorts** : SAVAGE DAD

 **Kinkshaming™** : Shut up or else I’ll put you in time-out too, child.

 **eatmyshorts** : ≖_≖

 **Kinkshaming™** : ≖‿≖

 **Ew™** : Hey Keith!

 **ImNotEmo** : yeah buddy??

 **Ew™** : What size dog?

 **ImNotEmo** : uh well…

 **ImNotEmo** : funny story…

 **Kinkshaming™** : IT IS A COYOTE, ISN’T IT!!

 **ImNotEmo** : RED IS NOT A FUCKING COYOTE

 **ImNotEmo** : THAT WAS ONE TIME AND I WAS NINE SHIRO

 **ImNotEmo** : FUCKING NINE YEARS OLD

 **eatmyshorts** added **SexyEnchilada** to _KEITH’S GOT A DOGGO_

 **ImNotEmo** : goddamnit pidge.

 **eatmyshorts** : ≖‿≖ this is gonna be some good shit

 _> >>_ **SexyEnchilada** private messaged **eatmyshorts**

 **SexyEnchilada** : you screenshotting all of this??

 **eatmyshorts** : as fast as i can

 **SexyEnchilada** : ٩(•̤̀ᵕ•̤́๑)ᵒᵏᵎᵎᵎᵎ

-    -    -

 **Ew™** : Do tell of this “story,” Keith.

 **ImNotEmo** : Red isn’t a dog

 **ImNotEmo** : he's a cat

 **SexyEnchilada** : HOW THE FUCK

 **eatmyshorts** : JCJHBVDBVHBDJVBHJWF

 **Ew™** : I AM LEAVING THIS STORE RIGHT NOW

 **Ew™** : BUY YOUR OWN GODDAMN CAT FOOD

 **Ew™** : I’M RUNNING OVER TO YOUR PLACE TO FUCKING SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU

 **Ew™** : HOW IN THE EVERLIVING QUIZNAK

 **eatmyshorts** : thanks for the war flashbacks, coran

 **Kinkshaming™** : EVERYBODY CALM THE FUCK DOWN

 **eatmyshorts** : omg

 **ImNotEmo** : omg

 **Ew™** : Omg.

 **SexyEnchilada** : DAD CURSED

 **Ew™** : I’M TELLING MOM

 **SexyEnchilada** : I’M TELLING MOM

 **eatmyshorts** : I’M TELLING MOM

 **Kinkshaming™** : WAIT NO

 

 _ >>> _ **SexyEnchilada** private messaged **WineMom**

 **SexyEnchilada** : MOM

 **WineMom** : Hello, Lance.

 **SexyEnchilada** : DAD CURSED

 **WineMom** : HE FUCKING WHAT?!

 **SexyEnchilada** : _DADCURSED.screenshot_

-    -    -

 

 _ >>> _ **Ew™** private messaged **WineMom**

 **Ew™** : MOM.

 **WineMom** : NEW USERNAME???

 **Ew™** : IT’S HUNK.

 **WineMom** : YES MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD!?

 **Ew™** : DAD CURSED!

 **WineMom** : HOLY SHIT!

 **Ew™** : _DADCURSED.screenshot_

-    -    -

 

 _ >>> _ **eatmyshorts** private messaged **WineMom**

 **eatmyshorts** : MOM

 **WineMom** : I’m assuming… Pidge?

 **eatmyshorts** : YE ≖‿≖

 **WineMom** : WHAT IS IT NOW

 **eatmyshorts** : DAD CURSED

 **WineMom** : I’VE BEEN TOLD

 **eatmyshorts** : _DADCURSED.screenshot_

-    -    -

 

 _> >>_ **WineMom** private messaged **Kinkshaming™**

 **WineMom** : HOW FUCKING DARE YOU USE PROFANITY WITH OUR CHILDREN

 **Kinkshaming™** : Can we talk about this later…?

 **WineMom** : _MyNYCTicket.jpg_

 **Kinkshaming™** : ARE YOU FUCKING FLYING OUT HERE JUST BECAUSE I CURSED WITH A BUNCH YOUNG ADULTS AND ONE MINOR

 **WineMom** : No, I was already flying out just for kicks but now I have a reason.

 **Kinkshaming™** : And what reason is that?

 **WineMom** : To kick your ass.

 **Kinkshaming™** : ≖_≖

 **WineMom** : ≖‿≖

-    -    -

 

 **Kinkshaming™** : I hate all of you.

 **ImNotEmo** : even me?

 **Kinkshaming™** : Take a guess, Mr. Coyote-Cat.

 **eatmyshorts** : SAVAGE DAD

 **SexyEnchilada** : LMAO GET REKTED MULLET

 **Kinkshaming™** : *INTERNAILLY SCREAMING*

 **Kinkshaming **™**** : A n y w a y

 **Kinkshaming™** : As I was TRYING to say earlier…

 **Kinkshaming™** : Keith, why don’t you just send a picture of Red and we’ll see how badly you messed up. Maybe Red is just a chunky cat.

 **eatmyshorts** : … rt. savage dad has a point.

 **SexyEnchilada** : rt

 **ImNotEmo** : …

 **ImNotEmo** : only after Hunk stops banging on my door

 **Kinkshaming™** : Hunk.

 **Ew™** : Fine.

 **ImNotEmo** : _Red.jpg_

 **eatmyshorts** : i wear glasses and even im not that fucking blind

 **SexyEnchilada** : shiro, can i block keith for stupidity?

 **Kinkshaming™** : @Lance, yes.

 **Kinkshaming™:** @Keith, I’m disowning you as my adopted brother.

 **ImNotEmo** : HUNK PLEASE STOP YOU’RE GOING TO BREAK DOWN THE DOOR

 **ImNotEmo** : I’M CRYING ACTUAL TEARS

 **ImNotEmo** : JUST LET ME AND MY CAT STARVE AND CRY IN PEACE

 ** **Ew™** :** _ImGoingToKillHim_ _._ _jpg_


	3. always, Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kinkshaming™: So I have a class with Keith and Lance, right?
> 
> eatmyshorts: you know that technically you could’ve typed that as, “I’ve a class…”
> 
> Ew™: CAN YOU STOP WITH THAT PLEASE!!!
> 
> Kinkshaming™: I’m not helping with either of yours rent this month.
> 
> eatmyshorts: so whats the problamo w/ emo and emoji

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro - Kinkshaming™  
> Allura - WineMom  
> Keith - ImNotEmo  
> Lance - SexyEnchilada  
> Hunk - Ew™  
> Pidge - eatmyshorts

**Kinkshaming™** has added  **eatmyshorts** and  **Ew™** to  _??? _

**Kinkshaming™** : Okay kiddos so

**eatmyshorts** : oooooh shiro’s texting in class

**Ew™** : Spicy.

**Kinkshaming™** : Shut up this is important.

**Kinkshaming™** : So I have a class with Keith and Lance, right?

**eatmyshorts** : you know that technically you could’ve typed that as, “I’ve a class…”

**Ew™** : CAN YOU STOP WITH THAT PLEASE!!!

**Kinkshaming™** : I’m not helping with either of yours rent this month.

**eatmyshorts** : so whats the problamo w/ emo and emoji

**Kinkshaming™** : Those are creative nicknames.

**eatmyshorts** : listen old man i dont need you to tell me im a good noodle. i have rent due in a week and need help so tell us your problems so we can help you remember how to not be an overprotective shrimp dicked scarface and learn how to function in society you old geezer

**Ew™** : Oh

**Ew™** : My

**Kinkshaming™** : Pidge I want you to come over to the quad I have a white chocolate mocha here for you.

**Ew™** : SHIRO I LIKE COFFEE TOO!!

**Kinkshaming™** : I know.

**Kinkshaming™** : But I know you like green tea with honey and lemon better.

**Ew™** : SHIRO YOU’RE THE BEST DAD.

**Kinkshaming™** : I love you too, son.

**Ew™** : XD Not as much as Mom.

**Kinkshaming™** : This is true.

**eatmyshorts** : can you bring it to me

**eatmyshorts** : also i like coffee as dark as my soul

**Kinkshaming™** : Precisely why I got you a white chocolate mocha!

**eatmyshorts** : ≖_≖

**Kinkshaming™** : ≖‿≖

**Kinkshaming™** : Are you in the computer lab?

**eatmyshorts** : ye

**eatmyshorts** : coran said he’ll come grab it for me 

**Ew™** : Isn’t Coran your teacher?

**eatmyshorts** : ye

**eatmyshorts** : i called him an old fart and he asked if shiro was bringing me coffee

**Ew™** : Pidge, you’re so pampered.

**eatmyshorts** : i will literally bite you in the most non-kinky way

**Ew™** : I would hope so, seeing as I’m not into it.

**eatmyshorts** : i bet you’d be into it if shay was

**Ew™** : SHUT UP

**eatmyshorts** : heh

**eatmyshorts** : also shiro this isnt too bad but next time i want black coffee

**Kinkshaming™** : I’ll think about it.

**Kinkshaming™** : Hunk, do you want to meet me at the Arusian cafe for lunch?

**Ew™** : I have another 20 minutes of class but I’ll be there right after class if you can wait.

**Kinkshaming™** : Yeah it’s about a 15 minute walk from the labs so I’ll only be waiting for around 10 minutes from where the kitchens are. 

**eatmyshorts** : shiro are you gonna tell us about keith and lance?

**Kinkshaming™** : ≖_≖

**eatmyshorts** : ≖‿≖

**Kinkshaming™** : I hate you both.

**Ew™** : We know you have a crush on Allura.

**Kinkshaming™** : YEAH OKAY SO LISTEN TO THIS MY MOST CONSIDERATE CHILDREN

**Kinkshaming™** : So Keith, Lance, and I have the same class together around noon. I make sure they’re always there and it works out because I’m dad and they both just always come to that class unless they’re sick or skip, and if they skip they always, Always, tell me. 

**Kinkshaming™** : But today I texted them the first 20 minutes of class and… 

**Kinkshaming™** : Nada.

**eatmyshorts** changed their username to  **alwaysAlways**

**Ew™** changed their username to  **ChefBoiArdee**

**Kinkshaming™** : Guys, please.

**alwaysAlways** : #sorrynotsorry

**ChefBoiArdee** : I’m sorry, but they finally changed theirs so I could finally change mine. 

**Kinkshaming™** : Sigh.

**Kinkshaming™** has changed their username to  **DadInside™**

**alwaysAlways** : YES

**ChefBoiArdee** : Beautiful. A true masterpiece. 

**DadInside™** : Yeah kay thanks but what about my brother and the resident problematic gay. 

**ChefBoiArdee** : *pansexual, or pan

**DadInside™** : Oh yeah, sorry. 

**DadInside™** : I’m such a sucky dad. 

**alwaysAlways** : lmao guys chill it’s lance

**DadInside™** : Oh boi here we go. Look what you’re about to cause Pidge.

**alwaysAlways** : hunK I WAS JUST KIDDING

**DadInside™** : Pidge, the damage is done.

**DadInside™** : All we can do is wait.

**ChefBoiArdee** : Okay listen here Lance is my best friend and he is so smart okay. He is the reason I’m even in college because my mom was struggling and almost couldn’t afford, so he helped me study for scholarships and did extra credit volunteering with me and made sure I was sleeping enough. Then he turned around and made his 7 brothers and sisters help him with a car wash to help my mom pay for my college bills because he’s that freaking great and he went shopping for school supplies with me and only let me buy culinary supplies and a stapler and he bought literally everything else. Even with all his selflessness aside, he’s really fucking insecure about his looks and his brains (even though he’s here on a full ride scholarship) and so just respect my best friend, Lance McClain, the human form of the 100 emoji, at least from time to time especially with his sexuality.

**ChefBoiArdee** : Anyway, Lance and Keith are at the apartment. 

**DadInside™** : And what are they doing there???

**ChefBoiArdee** : Making out on the couch. 

****alwaysAlways** : _ImCryingForTwoReasonsNow.vid_ **


End file.
